For 'Zona, A Rain Of Pain From All Angles...

By RON MEXICO
Staff Writer

McALLEN, TX - This will be brief, 'cause I'm late for breakfast and breakfast is - what? - 60 miles away. Ah loves mah country-fried steak with grits and bacon and biscuits and muh black coffee. Yesireeee. It's what makes me a gooooooood Amurican. Ha ha.

Anyway, I heard this from a woman I hadn't heard anything about for years: "Mexican-Americans are not going to take this lying down." Who, you ask from under your bedsheets, as the motel manager runs up and down the hallway screaming "fire!" and the next thing you know you're out there in the cold, naked and looking like some damned fool. The woman was Linda Ronstadt, a Tucson native, and she was speaking at a news conference on a lawsuit planned against the State of Arizona by the American Civil Liberties Union, the Mexican American Legal Defense and Educational Fund and the National Immigration Law Center.

It's something of a, well, unfolding story, isn't it? And, yeah, those of you who say it isn't, well, go ahead and stand up and sing about that fear you wear so openly. Whoa! Howdy! Absolutely, Whoa, son, whoa! Hey, cowhand, grab holda dat thar cayuse! Whoa! Whoa, Trigger!

It's Friday, somewhere at the end of the first quarter of the year. Synchronize your watches. You don't want to miss the next speaker, the next tune, the next insanity flying in via our comments feature. Hey, now, someone bring my wheels around. I'm late, and one simply does not keep a pretty woman waiting...

- 30 -

For Rio Grande Valley Politicians, A Strange Time To Take Another Break...

Deportees waiting at the Arizona border. - AP

By ELIOT ELCOMEDOR

Special to The Tribune

BROWNSVILLE, TX - When word spread south to this border outpost that the federal government planned to build a wall between Texas and Mexico, the howling here swirled to the clouds. The town's mayor - Pat Ahumada - grew annoyed and then angry. In short order, the mood of the city was obvious - it would fight the wall. The matter sat well with its residents, the larger portion of them of Hispanic-descent.

Now, with Arizona boiling over with the same emotion following the state's decision to pass a harsh anti-immigrant law, mum has been the word here from politicians known to spring into provincial action at the drop of a critical ethnic phrase. Not one has issued a word damning the Arizona initiative. Elsewhere, in Los Angeles and San Francisco and, now, New York, public servants are ready for a fight. Last week, Black activist Al Sharpton anounced he would march with Hispanics in Phoenix to protest the new law, which allows police to stop and question "suspicious-looking" immigrants about their status in this country.

The latest supporters also come from the Big Apple. They plan to visit Arizona in two weeks two weeks, said Felix Ortiz. Ortiz is president of the National Hispanic Caucus of State Legislators. He will be joined by New York Assembly members José Rivera, Naomi Rivera, Adam Clayton Powell, Carmen Arroyo and Peter Rivera.

In Arizona, they plan to chain themselves to the border fence in a show of civil disobedience. Arrests are expected, but they are prepared for that.

“We’re willing to do that,” Ortiz told the New York Observer. “We’re willing to risk ourselves for the people of Arizona and other immigrants across the country.” Powell said he will soon introduce a resolution in the Assembly that would prohibit New York from “engaging in any business with the state of Arizona until this racially discriminatory law is defeated.” Similar action has been announced by the cities of San Francisco and Los Angeles.

In Texas, meanwhile, a Republican state legislator from Tomball this week said she will introduce a bill similar to Arizona's in January.

From the Rio Grande Valley?

Nothing. Not one word from politicians forever quick to quip...

- 30 - 

FOR MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL, A CONUMDRUM IN ARIZONA...

By RICARDO KLEMENT
Staff Writer

PHOENIX, Arizona - In 1993, when the State of Arizona slogged through its decision on whether to celebrate Martin Luther King's birthday as a holiday, the National Football League did something it had not done before in the history of the game, and has never done since - it supported a boycott of Arizona by moving the Super Bowl to Pasadena, California. It was widely believed that the NFL did it because of its many Black players.

Things are shaking in Major League Baseball as it ponders moving the 2011 All-Star Game out of Phoenix following Arizona's decision to pass a harsh anti-immigrant law. MLB knows Hispanics make up a good percentage of league rosters.

The local MLB franchise - Arizona Diamondbacks - is in a public relations lurch, although the politics of management is not exactly one the league would want to see made public.

There is this from Dave Zirin, a columnist for The Nation magazine: The Diamondbacks organization is a primary funder of the state Republican Party, which had for months been driving the measure through the legislature. The National Republican Senatorial Committee's third-highest Contributors in 2010 were Diamondbacks executives, who donated $121,600. They also contributed $129,500 to the Republican Party Committee. Team boss Ken Kendrick and his family members chipped-in a staggering $1,023,527 to Republican candidates.

The governor of Arizona - Jan Brewer - is a Republican. 

No official boycott of anything Arizona is currently in play, but rumblings moving across the country indicate many are not happy with Arizona's decision to authorize police officers to stop, question and arrest undocumented immigrants. The City of San Francisco is on record as saying it is reviewing business dealings with Arizona, including travel to conferences and seminars in Arizona by its employees. Scathing editorials have been published in, among others, The New York Times, Miami Herald and Los Angeles Times - all questioning Arizona's actions.

It'll be interesting to see how the Arizona Diamondbacks players handle this. The photo atop this story is of team pitcher Juan Gutierrez, said to be among the most popular players on the squad...

- 30 -

For Arizona, A Moment To Reflect On Those Tough Consequences...

By RON MEXICO
Staff Writer

BROWNSVILLE, TX - According to the New York Times, a reporter yesterday found a woman who cancelled a reservation at an Arizona motel after learning of that state's recently-passed harsh anti-immigration law, a decision she said was only half of her problem. It seems her son is a construction worker and she worries that his work-related perpetual tan may put him at odds with the police.

Boycott appears to be the day's word on all things to do with Arizona.

We thought it would be helpful for our readers to know about a few Arizona-based business enterprises. There are times when the almighty dollar settles such silly things in this great land. You decide whether it's a worthy reaction:

Best Western (motels)
ColdStone Creamery
Dial
Discount Tire Co.
Fender
Go Daddy
TGIFridays (100+ franchises owned by Briad Group based in AZ)
PetSmart
PF Changs
Taco Time
U Haul
US Airlines

There are others, but this list is a start...

- 30 -  

In Arizona, A Reality Check Comes With Full Knowledge That Life Cannot Be Erased...

By PATRICK ALCATRAZ
Editor-In-Chief

FORT WORTH, TX - The fact is that things may get noisy, but they will never change, not in anything to do with Hispanics being in the U.S. Yeah, what was it former Mexican President Vicente Fox said? This, openly and succinctly: "Wherever there are Mexicans, Mexico is there."

Another time in America, it was the Italians catching the Hell. They were the original greasers. And then there were the Irish. In New York, shops and businesses hid no racism when posting window signs that read: Help Wanted. No Irish Need Apply. That was not that long ago. The Polish felt the sting, as well. So did the Asians. Soviets arriving here after the breakup of the U.S.S.R. found little joy to write home about; life in America was brutal, they will tell you. 

Still, this lingering hate for immigrants from south of the border cannot be ignored. It is there, as can be seen in today's Arizona. Idaho would fit right in, as would Georgia and Alabama and Mississippi. Louisiana is another place, although it now thanks Hispanics for serving as clean-up crew after the mess left behind by Hurricane Katrina. In that case, buses were sent to Houston and Dallas to recruit Hispanics and Blacks. The Hispanics went in droves; the Blacks largely did not.

Proponents of the Arizona Experiment will raise their voices and say what they are doing is securing the southern border, ridding themselves of a criminal element and doing it because the federal government will not. Critics will charge that Arizona always has been an incubator for hate, that it has been and is the home of extremist politicians such as Republicans Barry Goldwater, John McCain and Jon Kyl. There is some truth in both arguments.

But when it's all said and done, Arizona will have seen its latest anti-immigrant bill watered down severely by the U.S. Supreme Court. Critics will say they won once again and loudly vow to fight whatever else Arizona dreams-up. But things will hardly change.

Those who hate Mexicans in Phoenix will still hate Mexicans. And Mexicans will still hate the racist whites. Newspaper stories will tell of wicked crimes one group will perpetrate against the other. Whites will seek other laws. The criminal element, stubborn as it always is, will not retreat. Arizona three-four-five years down the road will look as it looks now - at odds with the times.

That is America...and that is our history...

- 30 -

For Some In Dusty Arizona, A Happy Day Born Of A Petulant Moment...

By PATRICK ALCATRAZ
Editor-In-Chief

DALLAS - We live in a strange and wicked time. How often in the past 50 years has the citizenry of this country heard and pondered that peculiarly American sentence? Too often, says this observer.

Now comes the State of Arizona, home of enough antsy Far-Right Conservatives to line a Racist Parade stretching for long miles of self-aggrandizing, flag-waving, faux patriotic chanting - all this while gulping enough Maalox to float the Mayflower from Plymouth to some urgently-dredged pond in the hallows of Phoenix. Arizona today passed legislation aimed at targeting immigrants - all immigrants, but in this case mostly the Hispanic.

Its Republican governer - the peroxide blonde Jan Brewer - went against President Obama's advice that she veto the bill while allowing the federal government to tackle immigration reform at the federal level, where it belongs. Brewer went party-first, so she signed in a setting that her surrounded by a line-up of White men.

The Arizona law allows - requires, say the ultra-conservatives - police to deal with illegal immigration. Brewer backed into it by saying her state is suffering from an onslaught of immigrants, border strife, and a continuing flow of illegal drugs moving north from Mexico.

Even as hundreds of protesters outside the state Capitol shouted down the new law, the governor insisted that critics were "over-reacting," and that she wouldn't tolerate racial profiling.

"We in Arizona have been more than patient waiting for Washington to act," Brewer said after signing the law. "But decades of inaction and misguided policy have created a dangerous and unacceptable situation."

Perhaps. But the thinking here is that Arizona has been moving to this moment for long months. It lives as a state where the Far Right has a willing and ready ear, so much so that staunch GOP standard bearer John McCain is in the fight of his political life because another candidate for his U.S. Senate seat is playing to the farthest element of the wing. 

What this portends for Arizona is easy to guess. The law is small in scope and nature, yet it speaks to a nation still wondering how to assimilate some 11 million undocumented citizens. On its face, the Arizona law is lacking in that it addresses little to do with the bigger problem. Yes, it will likely lead to the arrest a few hundred, even thousands, of people who are not U.S. citizens. That's the sexy bit of news that no doubt will play out in local television news from Phoenix to Yuma to Kingman to Flagstaff, etal.

Big deal.

Arizona, however, will come to learn a hard lesson. It is part of the union and federal law supersedes any law the Arizona legislature might dream-up or pass. Immigration remains a national issue, regardless of today's action in Arizona.

Real legislators elsewhere will wrestle with the millions of non-citizens already here. They will, for one, want to incorprate them into our society if for no other reason than that these people are here, working and paying taxes. And, of course, every citizen knows the burden that has become - and will continue to be - the country's aging population. Too many retirees - ah, those Baby Boomers - have placed a large drain on the Social Security System. In short time, it won't be long before more money will be paid to SSN recipients than is being taken in from payroll check contributions from the young.

Studies indicate the new immigrants are young, or have youngsters who will join the workforce.

Irony of ironies, it is these New Americans who will feed our needy national treasury...

 - 30 -

BAD MOON RISING: For Lonely Harlingen, A Rare Loud Mayoral Election...

By RON MEXICO
Staff Writer 

HARLINGEN, TX - The gray-black photo of the hamburger stand you see above was taken here in 1939. As is clearly visible, the joint is packed with what appears to be a flock of Winter Texans. And, yeah, that soda machine readies the next drop of a Real 7Up. That sign taped to the rusting vending machine says you can have ham & eggs and coffee for 25 cents. Yep, Harlingen has been danged-basic, less-than-excitable for many, many years. A refugee from a bad marriage working as a waitress here insists the town's favorite color is fog. 

There is no question that Harlingen is the calmest town in the wild Rio Grande Valley, although gang activity reported here by Valley Morning Star writer Corey Ryan is dead-on. And there are mornings when it's tough to find parking along the quaint shops to be found on nouveau Jackson Street. And you thought that Waffle House near the Action 4 News studios was this town's "Happenin' " place?

Well, let me introduce you to four men dueling for the title of mayor. Cardinal City, home to some 70,000 fun-starved souls, has seen these sort of scrapes on the football field lately, but rarely in contests for elected office.

There is the incumbent mayor - Chris Boswell - asking for another term. And the ex-cop Joe Rubio. And the schoolteacher Jose Flores. And, yeah, Pastor George Merrill, a firebrand (by Harlingen standards, not Brownsville's) saying he should win the job because he has less gray hair than the other three. Side note: One would think that gray hair would be a requirement for the mayor of a town known far & wide for its many, many blue-haired winter visitors.

Recently, this foursome sparred while addressing a reserved mob of Rotarians. 

Boswell hung hard on his record as mayor, telling Rotarians he accomplished much in his current term, but noting that his political vision stretches far, far down the road. "There is so much more to do that is going to take experience,” is what The Morning Star said he said by way of explanation.

Rubio played on the fact that Harlingen is his birthpace, adding that his degree in criminal justice and 22 years of experience on the police force counts for something. It is his opinion that the city is playing with unbalanced visions, or as he put it, Harlingen does not share a “vision of moving together.” He wants to formulate a "Master Plan" related to growth, presumably all the way to neighboring San Benito and Rio Hondo.

Flores, meanwhile, decries what he labels as “too many political changes,” saying new blood is needed for framing of that a comprehensive plan that would include new & fresh-faced people.

Merrill, head of a nonprofit organization, believes his experience will help him run the city, an enterprise he characterizes as being similar to a nonprofit venture. He openly describes himself as a pro-small business candidate.

As for that comment on his lack of gray hair, Merrill said his age "gives him the energy needed to run the city." The crowd was not amused, but the shot served as the evening's eye-opener, drawing both frowns and guffaws from his audience.

Still, there are critics here in the Mayberry of the Valley. Cleverly, they rise like weeds against a lawnmower in comments submitted to the local newspaper.

Wrote one concerned citizen, identifying himself as Moe1Dog, "Georgie (Pastor Merrill) , have you told the people in Harlingen that you bid to remove hurricane trash from the city without having the equipment...that you bid to demolish two of your own houses that were condemned? What a future mayor!!" And to candidate Rubio, Moe1Dog said: "Rubio, boy, what is your vision, only have one, maybe none." To Candidate Flores, "Flores your vision is (perpetuating today's) Harlingen? Oh, boy!"

The effusive Moe1Dog, perhaps backing the current mayor, did not have a comment for Boswell.

In Harlingen, a city that just cannot make a name for itself other than being the home of military school and enough senior citizen trailer parks to call itself a Florida community, it would be bigger news if someone opened an outdoor hamburger joint with a stand-up soda machine and breakfast for a quarter. Now, that would be something to crow about...

- 30 -

DECONSTRUCTING JUAN MONTOYA: The Blogger Without Borders...

By DUARDO PAZ-MARTINEZ
Special to The Tribune

BROWNSVILLE, TX - They say the poor play a different game along the Texas-Mexico border. Their way and manner is visible to all others, yet they persist in living as if no one can see what they are doing, can see that they insist on the worst path, can tell they do little other than imagine their own place in the world. That would seem to be the world of Blogger Juan Montoya.

Of late, he has sought entry into my world, as if he could ever muster the social graces needed to succeed in that environment. My feeling is that everyone has an orbit of travel. I cannot see that far down and Juan can only crane his neck so far. So be it. We rarely engage in battle with the crippled, so this will be short, although perhaps not our last venture into examining this individual.

The study began several weeks ago, when we questioned Montoya's "positioning" in a local election pitting his candidate (an advertiser on ElRrunRrun.com) Ernie Hernandez against lawyer Ruben Pena. We criticized Hernandez's record as a city commissioner and wondered about Juan's role. He ignored it, even though we suspected he was in a for-hire relationship that had him clearly attempting to expose Pena while giving Hernandez a free ride. Hernandez, we all know, has had his ups & downs in controversial politics. Juan Montoya knows of this perception, as do many in town. So, we thought: why is this reporter who covets a reputation for being for truth and honesty doing this? Well, it seems the only answer for that was this: Cash. Lana. Lettuce. Bolas. Greenbacks. 

Nothing wrong with that, but a certain acknowledgement was needed. Juan needed to supply answers in order to maintain his "journalist" reputation.

This is what we believe needs to be asked (and we recognize that we have our detractors, so hold the fire):

1.) Exactly what was the agreement with candidate Ernie Hernandez? Did it include your promise not to broach subjects detrimental to Hernandez's campaign? Was going after Ruben Pena part of the deal?

2.) Would you explain your relationship with local would-be Mayor Robert Sanchez? Was it similar to the one you offered Hernandez. Word on the streets said you wrote for Sanchez's Blog in exchange for food from his seafood restaurant. Was that it?

3.) How many other campaigns have you done this for? You mentioned one involving The Lion of Southmost - Lucino Rosenbaum. Are there more?

4.) Were you the editor of a newspaper funded by former Sheriff Conrado Cantu, a man disgraced and later sent to prison? Does the name of the publication - The Cameron Post - ring a bell? Explain that relationship.

5.) Finally, is it true you use computers at the city library. In that you make money off your Blog, do you think it honest to be using taxpayer equipment for your financial benefit? 

 6.) Do you have a job? Is the Blog (free, by the way) your only source of income? What year did you last work as a reporter, and for which newspaper?

Thank you, Mssr. Montoya. We appreciate your answers. That is all our readers wish to know at this time...

- 30 -

THE SMALL MAN: As Expected, Blogger Montoya Takes The Brawl To TV... Chicanoe TV, That Is...

By BERNARD GOLDBURG
Special to The Tribune

MIAMI - After making a few calls to friends at The Saginaw News, where he covered the Taco Beat, Blogger Juan Montoya reportedly landed a segment on a Spanish show featuring the man in the photo above. Who is that man? Don Francisco - an icon in the Hispanic community.

What Montoya, operator of the Blog ElRrunRrun.com, will say is anybody's guess, but sources tell  us he will again blast DP-M, the leader of this Internet outlet. "He's sticking to his Mexican roots, playing the race card," said a source familiar with Montoya's style. "DP-M would never watch that show, of course. Montoya is hoping to push Hispanics away from DP-M, something Montoya says will hurt this Blog's readership (Hell, I'm laughing as I write that bullshit, but...).

Anyway, a bit of background on the show in question:  If you’re a Latino/a, and you have no notion of who “Don Francisco” is, then my guess is that you’re not truly from Latin American ancestry. Don Francisco is a legend. He has been the host of the TV show “Sábado Gigante”since God-knows-when (or, more accurately, since 1962, says Wikipedia). 

According to sources who swore us to secrecy, Montoya will appear wearing a used off-black Charro outfit, complete with a bullet belt he will say was once worn by the Border bandido Juan Cortina. "Montoya is All-Mexican-All-The-Time," said a resident of his hometown in Texas. "He was a proud man as a Latino reporter, forever noseying out stories to do with the horrible life Latinos live in this country. DP-M, on the other hand, only wanted to have fun, although his work was always appreciated by his senior editors, some of whom wrote glowing letters about his reporting. Juan lists letters from the editors of The Brownsville Herald and The Saginaw News; DP-M has the same from The Associated Press, The Houston Post, The Boston Globe and The New York Post, not that he cares anymore."

Montoya's new crusade is born from a single question he was asked weeks ago by this Blog, one to do with his mysterious relationship with Brownsville politician Ernie Hernandez. Since then, Montoya has stewed and then agonized and then exploded with a tapeworm of street nonsense, at all times evading the question he still hates.

"I'm amused, absolutely," said DP-M via cellphone from the road. "I am convinced the truth ultimately will come out. That's the nature of secrets. Someone will feel the heat or shame and blurt it out. It may or may not be Montoya. It could be anyone in Brownsville. This Blog is readying a $1,000 reward to anyone who comes forward with serious, incontrovertible info related to our questions."

Here, in Miami, a spokeswoman for The Don Francisco Show expressed surprise when asked if Montoya would blast DP-M. "We thought he was coming to do a version of some border drug cartel corrido," she said, frowning....

 - 30 -

[Editor's Note: We jest with this wildly hilarious posting. Satire is a worthy style when dealing with the frailties of Human Beings. It comes to you in response to Juan Montoya's satirical story about DP-M. Ha ha.] 

EL MARIACHI: Blogger JuanMontoya Self-Immolates...Breaks Out Stupidities...Lies To Himself...Leaves City Library...

By DUARDO PAZ-MARTINEZ
Special to The Tribune

BROWNSVILLE, TX - You would need a big shovel to dig far enough down into the ground here to find real honor. That's just the way it is, and has been. No excuses, no compromises. It is what it is. Life goes on, beaten forcefully through a trash-filled ravine by a hangdog-faced citizenry. To expect anything else is to expect the world coming here to show-off.

We tried to take the high road. Lord knows we did. But local fool Juan Montoya let his Chicanoe blood get the better of him, as always. Que lastima.

He burst forth this morning like a crazed banshee to blast away at me. At me! How sick is this puppy? All we did was question his doings at that Blog of his (a free Blog, like this one). Juan's ire perhaps comes from his situation with the national economy. The Blog makes him his income, thanks as well to, we hear, computers at the city library. We think it is the only Blog in the area selling advertising. It is his pleasure, sure. Pobre Juan. This self-abusing diatribe on his Blog aimed at me is a load of crap, likely an assault to continue the cover-up, the shame of his recent weeks. He cites incidents that never happened (Me at a bullfight in Reynosa with Jerry McHale. CUANDO!), tries mightily to elevate his minor-league newspapering accomplishments (oh, getting a job in San Antonio after a stint at The Herald is a great accomplishment. Ha ha), and then takes me to task for being creative.

The Blog is a goof, Juan. How many times have I said it on El Roci - another Goof.

It's a bit of the creative juices. Yes, they are characters. So what? I suppose your creativity peaked when you stretched out your hand to take Ernie Hernandez's cash, eh, Juan? I reel at having to write anything about you. Why bother with the dispossessed? You apparently are in your element, and I do not have the desire to rid you of your failings. Be proud in knowing you invented Farmworker Journalism. Be happy with your little world, absolutely. No one can tell you what to do. You are a big boy, so you know exactly about things such as social standing, photos of Cesar Chavez notwithstanding, huh?

And, tell me, what's wrong with having a bite at a greasy-spoon, as you label these eateries. Jesus, are you so provincial that you ignore the fact that those same eateries are in the majority in your lovely little town? I stop where I want to stop, never, ever worried about the whys. I eat in the best of places and, when I want to, in lesser dives. What's your preference in bars, Juan - The Leopard Lounge in Palm Beach or El Siete Mares in Brownsville? Tell me about El Siete Mares. What's valet parking cost at that 14th Street landmark? And the cost of the best of wines? Do patrons there speak English?

This is an exercise in slumming for me, Juan. You know it and I know it and our mutual friends know it. Big deal. Who cares? It really doesn't matter a damn. Life will go on unchanged. I'm accustomed to a smooth ride, as the song says.

For your information, my Blog is written wherever I am on any given day. It has been written in Brownsville on one occasion, some when I've been in McAllen and a bunch of times via my laptop at airports and coffee shops. So what? It's 2010, Juan! Do I have to be in Brownsville to write about Brownsville? You're so 1980s, Bato. All those corn tortillas have stalled your brain, rendered you useless.

I'm not going to pull any intellectual poetry off the Internet to cement my case here. It's not even a case. It's bullshit. We both know you will keep doing what you've learned to do, in a way you know is weird, yet profitable for you. Go ahead. It's no skin off my back. And, btw, I'm not the Most Interesting Man in Brownsville. I believe someone wrote on El Roci that I was the Most Interesting Man in the State. And, yeah, who am I to quarrel with a Valley girl's idea of interesting?

I did like your use of the word galan in referring to me. Nice touch, lad.

I'd never use it to describe you. We travel different roads, are on different social orbits, and if I had to use well-known figures, as you do in your poetry, I'd say I'm The Lone Ranger and you're Tonto. Or Squanto. Cantinflas maybe. One of those mensos, yeah. 

Now, bring my car around...

- 30 - 

A Month Later, Mayor Pat Ahumada Missing From The Moving Political Brawl...

By JUAN MO-TIME
Staff Writer

BROWNSVILLE, TX - The Boys in the cheap bar were talking. Anybody seen or heard from Pat, one asked out of the blue. The blue rain that was falling outside, I mean. It was a dark evening, and, well, I guess the rain was blue. It could've been light-blue or white-blue, or Columbia-blue, or almost-blue, or bluejay, or blue bayou. Whatever.

"Yeah," the female bartender chimed-in. "The mayor's been kinda too quiet, ain't he?"

"Not a peep," said a guy at the end of the bar in a voice that came from you and me. Next to him sat a big-breasted, middle-aged woman wearing a yellow sundress I thought was perhaps a safety thing. It was dark outside and I guessed that frickin' bright-yellow thing she wore likely glowed in the dark. Her shoes, pumps, shined a bright red, enough to light things up for a moving herd of cockroaches making it from the battered front door to the horrendous men's room. Sure, I was on 14th Street, sent here to look for the missing Blogger Juan Montoya, another absentee local celebrity some said had gone into hiding after something to do with the recent county elections. Not that I give a Pachuco damn about nobodies, but it's my job tonight.

In any case, the talk at the bar was about Mayor Pat Ahumada. It's been - what?! - almost a month since he was acquitted in that bizarre check-cashing scandal. He beat it, so who gives a shit about the details. I know, I know my editor will edit that word - shit! - out of this story. Patrick Alcatraz talks like a drunken sailor in the office, but he edits like he's the Pope. Ron Mexico hates Alcatraz more than he hates people like Juan Montoya, a Blogger Ron describes in words not fit for the dinner table.

Anyway, Ahumada has not been very visible and no one in this second-hand fern bar has heard a word out of him. This - this! - is the mayor Brownsville lists as its most controversial ever, a man who would rather defend a stray dog than spring for a round at, say, a bar like this one.

"So, where do you think he is?" I ask the well-hipped bartender with the raven eyes.

She stops pulling at the draft beer keg handle, looks up to me, and coos, "Hell, who knows with that wildman? He could be parked outside astride his motorcycle, wearing that shitty straw hat, and smiling like he's Billy Jack."

"Who's Billy Jack?" asks a frizzy-haired redhead sitting to my right. "That a drug cartel guy, or what? Huh?" Her lipstick is the color of pain. I look at her mouth and then turn to close my eyes for protection.

Ahumada was said to have been surprised the moment he heard the jury declare him not guilty, surprised at how the words from the jury foreman moved across the courtroom floor like thick pancake syrup - too slowly. Still, he walked out of the court looking like an anvil had been kicked off his shoulders, like he'd been gone a few weeks and come back to see that someone had bombed the Border Wall into oblivion and he hadn't been there for the press.

I called my newsroom, told them the mayor was who knows where. Alcatraz said, write it. I did and then I went home to watch Judge Judy and settle-in with a bottle of wine. If Pat Ahumada was next door, well, I didn't know it...and I didn't care anymore. Jesus, I felt like Juan Montoya...Dang. A song by Sting broke out of my CD player: "Aaaaaaaall this time, the river flowed...endlessly, to the sea..."

- 30 -   

In Mexico, A Pathetic Admission That All Is Lost In War Against Drugs...

By RON MEXICO
Staff Writer

BROWNSVILLE, TX - In the three and a half years since Mexican President Felipe Calderon launched the army against the drug cartels in an unprecedented offensive, what Mexico has seen is a bloody war that has failed and has left more than 22,000 citizens dead, some 6,000 along the U.S. Border.

Now, as he prepares to meet with President Obama in Washington, D.C. next month, the betting here is that he will acknowledge defeat and ask for U.S. Military intervention. Perhaps he will seek asylum, goes the joke in the Mexican capital, where he is now written about as a drunkard and a willing accomplice to at least one drug cartel.

The U.S., meanwhile, has been poring through a depressing report presented to Congress by a fact-finding team working for the foreign intelligence committee. In it, investigators will say Mexico has been woeful in its approach to curtailing the flow of drugs and in controlling the warring drug cartels. The report will highlight the Mexican bordertown of Cd. Juarez, where even locals now call it Murder City, the world's number one city in that unflattering regard.

"What has happened during the length of these three and a half years in the combat zones, beyond the executions, the gunfights, the grenade-launchings, the taking of hostages, the deaths of citizens, the many, many government declarations that, more and more, mean less and less?" the respected Mexico City PROCESO magazine posed recently.

Felipe Calderon's war has not gone well. Critics within the country say it has no end under the current approach. In a mind-numbing style, Calderon has taken to ordering the much-criticized Mexican Army into and out of cities in towns where the battles rage, retreat, and then return. The result is an aftermath of wanton killings, unexplained tactics and an emboldend opposition.

In Reynosa less than 60 miles west of here and other towns, the cartels have been brave enough to hang banners from bridges and overpasses declaring their intent, day and time of their battles, and, in fact, even asking the public to stay home during these military incursions. The banners are signed so that there is no mistaking its author.

Protesters, in turn, carry and hang their own signs and posters. "To live better, resign Calderon," read one in Juarez. Another read, "No war in my name." Another: "Mr. Calderon, you want to end the delincuency...first end the corruption in your Cabinet." The worst: "Mr. Narco-President, if you want to end the insecurity, stop protecting the narcotraffickers like El Chapo Guzman, Ismael 'El Maya' Sambada, the Michoacan Family, and the partisan government officials, who like yourself, are Narcos like the ones before you."

In its wake, the mess in Mexico leaves a young population so traumatized as to lead the country's own psychologists to say Mexico has now ruined its present and its future. An incident at Monterrey Tech that saw two students gunned down on campus is now as famous in Mexico as the shootings at Kent State in this country during the Vietnam War protests. The only difference is that there was no protest at Monterrey Tech.

And so it goes in bloodied Mexico...

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LIFE IN THE GRACELESS AGE: Election Winner Ernie Hernandez Not Out Of the Woods Yet...Where Is Montoya?...

By RICARDO KLEMENT
Staff Writer

BROWNSVILLE, TX - The woman serving my coffee here this morning had plenty to say. She was both coy and flush with her comments. Politics swelled like bad pancakes inside the small, downtown cafe. I was here to wonder about the voter fraud alleged in connection with former City Commissioner Ernie Hernandez's closeasthis victory over opponent Ruben Pena in last week's run-off vote for the Cameron County Pct. 2 position. Yeah, how is this town taking it?

She said: "Ernie has never been - and never will be - a good loser. To expect anyting positive from him is to expect a miracle."

That sentiment, expressed without solicitation, fit right in there on my list of many questions to do with this particular election. Hernandez, shown at right in photo above, won the contest by 49 votes. His mail-in ballot countings far outdistanced those received by Pena. "Therein lies the rub," a good friend had said a day earlier. "That's what the court is looking into now. That's where the evidence of voter fraud is, or isn't."

And we have been rather surprised to see nothing from Hernandez, other than hear him say he is the winner on a mid-week TV news report. His media backer - ElRrunRrun.com - has stopped mentioning its advertiser (Hernandez) and has not bothered with the charges of fraud lodged by Pena or the decision by a state district judge to impound the mail-in balloting.

Both non-reactions, from Hernandez and the Blogger Juan Montoya, are graceless.

The investigation should render a result soon. It's not that many ballots that have to be scrutinized. And it will be interesting to see how Hernandez reacts.

We all know ElRrunRRun will blare the news if it's positive for Hernandez and go hide if it isn't. As of this morning, Montoya had removed Hernandez's Ad from the Blog. Yes, the contest is over and Hernandez perhaps has gotten what he bought from Montoya.

But taken in combination it all smacks of bad huevos rancheros. The cheap ploy is not good for the community. It is yet another example of a politician buying "Blind Obedience" support. Hernandez purchased Ads in other media venues, but we know others did not give him the deal Montoya offered.

Still, we shall wait and see. There is a good, deeper story in all this. It will be told sooner or later. But, Goddammit, we do wish Juan Montoya would tell it. That would go a long, long way toward us accepting him as a journalist. At present, he comes across as what the Mexican barrios call a "velador," someone out to point his flashlight here and there, choosing his points of illumination, ambling up and down the darkened street as if someone serving the public, whistling his pedestrian tunes to himself...

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THE DUMMY: Texas Gov. Rick Perry Wants To Be President. Huh?...What?...No!...

By RON MEXICO
Staff Writer

BROWNSVILLE, TX - Even after threatening to secede from the union, as he told a gathering of rabid Teabaggers in Austin last year, Texas Gov. Rick Perry has this idea that he can run for the presidency in 2012. He calls it part of his rugged Texas independence, something his fellow Far-Right GOPers embrace. It's a tough bit of posturing. Perry governs a state that is now - after Hawaii, New Mexico, and California - a  "majority minority."

Its population counts less than 50 percent whites.

And it seems that this does not sit well with whites, which accounts, they say, for the ranting & raving seen of late in the forever-elderly Tea Party. A few have called this new brand of rioting a desire to return to the days of cowboying and Texas oil.

These conservatives do not want change. As one writer put it, "The ground is moving underneath them, and they don't want to recognize that and don't know what to do about it. So they join a tea-party group and strap on a six-gun and strut around." 

In today's Texas, Hispanics comprise about 37 percent of the state's population, but only 22 percent of Texas's registered voters. Worse yet for the, the percentage who turn out to vote is lower. In time, the demographics will translate into real muscle for Hispanics at the ballot box. Some pundits say it will be a few more elections before that happens.

For Perry, the Texas Myth has meant three victories,a  record in governor contests. He, however, isn't as favored by Latinos as was his predecessor, George W. Bush, who won about half the Hispanic vote as governor. Estimates have it that Perry garnered only 13 percent of the Hispanic ballots in his 2002 race and 24 percent in 2006.

He nonetheless is careful not to alienate the Hispanic community. Perry appointed the first Latina to the state Supreme Court, signed a law allowing undocumented college students to qualify for in-state tuition, and has overtly ignored crazy rhetoric about illegal immigration. In fact, many Teabaggers say they are not happy with Perry's position on immigration.

They insist he has not done anything to secure the border. Yet, he is a politician who recognizes his good fortune.

Perry was a Democrat until 1989. According to Texas Monthly, he was encouraged to make the switch by former senator Phil Gramm, who reportedly told him, "It's the last copter out of Nam, and you'd better get on it." A year ago, at a "Tax Day Tea Party" in front of Austin's City Hall, Perry suggested that Texas could legally leave the union. As some of the tea partiers shouted "Secede!" Perry said he didn't want that to happen, but "if Washington continues to thumb their nose at the American people…who knows what might come out of that?" Perry told the crowd that he didn't regard them as extremists, "but if you are, I'm with you." Still, he soon embraced right-wing talk-show hosts Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh (whom Perry made an honorary Texan).

The state's generally good economy has so far helped his politics. As he often says, more Fortune 500 companies are headquartered here than in any other state. But Perry's politics forced him to reject about $16 billion in federal stimulus money voted by Congress last year. He'll never admit it, but the federal cash helped Texas stay in the black for 2009-10. Now, experts say they see a shortfall of at least $15 billion in the coming year. Perry is against big government, but when it serves his ambition, he looks for it.

This is a guy who left Texas A&M, after cheerleading for the Aggies football team, with a lowly 2.1 Grade Point Average - the minimum needed to graduate. President in 2012? This cannot be forgotten - We've already had a Texas Moron in that job. Remember that Bozo?...

- 30 -

For Rio Grande Valley Hispanics, The Crazed Tea Party Is Bad Brew...

By PATRICK ALCATRAZ
Editor-In-Chief

McALLEN, TX - Angst-strapped members of the bizarre Tea Party movement postponed today's rally here, saying recent rains have left the ground at their favored pasture on S. 10th Street too soggy, too muddy in places. So, the City of Palms has been spared an afternoon of mindless whooping and hollering, racial epithets and other social venom being the music of this racist gang. The rally, they told the local newspaper, will now take place later this month.

Why, is the question here. Why here?

For pretty much all Hispanics, the dominant population within a 300-mile radius, the rally is offensive, yet another strange and silly public outburst by losers of the last presidential election. That's what they are - angry losers unable to stomach the nation's new leadership, the Year 2010. Most of them are older Americans, gray-haired men and women who grew up in another America, an America used to seeing - and having - Blacks and Hispanics playing the subservient citizen.

But today's Black and Hispanic citizen doesn't care one whit about this pseudo-fear playing like killer bees on the faces of America's Racist Anglos. Hispanics here, for one, should not care how often, or how dramatically, these people exhibit their ignorance, their fear of suddenly not having that ethnic difference. Redneck demagogues have no audience in the Rio Grande Valley. Or, they shouldn't.

Hispanics should avoid these rallies and they should write to media outlets with sentiments that say, well, who cares what these Teabaggers say, need, or want? Screw them; it's their turn to feel the abandonment many, many Blacks and Hispanics felt for decades.

Teabaggers don't care about anyone other than those who think like they think: segregationist bullshit that would, if they could control it, continue to separate the ethnic groups in this country. Their signs and posters are racist; their words are full of warring fire, their posturing the posture of Selma, Alabama of the 1960s, when Blacks were whipped, and Corpus Christi, Texas, where Hispanics were not allowed in the municipal swimming pool or city barber shops at about the same time.

No, this Tea Party crap is not for the Rio Grande Valley.

It goes against the long struggle for fairness, equality and respect. We say any Hispanic seen at a Tea Party rally is endorsing every bit of pain, abuse, and laughter suffered by his or her parents and grandparents who lived here in another, more racist era - and even that wasn't all that long ago.

Then think about the region's military veterans who fought in defense of freedom. Yes, Teabaggers can say whatever they want, thanks to our Vets. But what they are saying goes beyond the pale of decency. They are, again, throwing the stratification of ethnicity at your face, telling you they will not give-in to seeing themselves as the equal of, say, a Black or an Hispanic. Who would go to war for that?

Tea Party?

Pardon my French, but Fuck That...

- 30 -

UNDER THE TABLE: When Indifferent Moneychangers Skirt Tax Laws...

By JOSHUA COFFMAN
Special to The Tribune

BROWNSVILLE, TX - It is the National Sport of Brownsville: Americans abusing the federal and state tax laws at will. A guy walks up to an auto mechanic shop and asks about a wheel alignment. "Hundred bucks," he is told initially. The customer takes a short walk outfront, ponders things and returns. "Hey, man, can you do this, ah, on your on, ah, time?" he asks, winking.

The deal is consummated with a handshake and the customer unfolds his wallet to hand-over two twenties and a ten: $50. No invoice, no sales taxes. Nothing for the state or federal government. It is known around here as an "under-the-table" transaction, and it is against the law. It happens daily, on things from purchases to services. It can happen pretty much everywhere, but suddenly it is a problem for those using the Internet to conduct business.

The Internet is one of thjose peculiarly American money outlets where everything happens and everything is availed. The online fleamarket Ebay is huge. You don't pay state sales tax for Ebay, but you have to report whatever income you make when selling anything, be it a lawnmower or a motorcycle or an early Beatles album or a pair of huaraches.

This, too, applies to advertising. Should you be in the business of availing space on a website - Blogs included - you must adhere to tax laws. Taking money for Ads and not reporting the income is a violation of federal law. For the person advertising on any website, it is important that Tax ID numbers be obtained so that proof can be tendered if questions arise when filing, say, political campaign expense reports.

That is the law of the land, and as much as some wish to "Go Mexico" on certain occasions when the laws hit home, well, there is a price to pay. For the website operator, that crunch time comes April 16, when income must be reported to the federal government - all income. To not do it is called tax evasion. For advertisers wishing to deduct the expense of doing business (politicians, too), well, they must present a corresponding Tax ID number provided to them by the business or website owner.

It is not a difficult path to follow. You call the corresponding state agency and request the Tax ID number, provide certain information, and you're off and running. It does mean, however, that you agree to pay the quarterly taxes and that you comply with federal income tax law.

No biggie there. 

Yet, it happens. And for a small town like Brownsville, where every dollar generated from taxes is needed, the loss of even the smallest amount is criminal. This generous capitalistic country avails you a playing field. Business-minded people should want to water the green grass every now and then. Yet, in the Rio Grande Valley, the "under-the-table" practice is as hallowed as employing undocumented maids and gardeners.

To blame it on the culture or the border or Mexico doesn't make it right.

Think about it next time you buy a dog from some side-of-the road vendor...

- 30 -

OBSCENITY: Visit By Mexican President Calderon To White House Not A Good Idea...

By RICARDO KLEMENT
Staff Writer

BROWNSVILLE, TX - Mexican President Felipe Calderon is scheduled to visit The White House next month, where he is expected to discuss his country's runaway crime with President Barack Obama. It is a needed trip, but it should not take place in Washington, D.C. Calderon is too bloodied politically from the drug-war mess that currently moves across Mexico.

The body count grows by the day, but estimates indicate as many as 6,000 of his country's citizens have been killed by warring cartels in towns from Tijuana to Matamoros along the border. Most of the victims have been innocent people caught in gunfire that splays into its second decade. And still it goes on, unabated and seemingly without internal solution.

What Calderon will ask of the United Sttaes this time around is obvious: More time, more time to resolve the deterioration of life in his country, where employment now rests in the hands of the drug-pushing cartels. He will ask for more foreign aid, more weapons and more support. Calderon will want to appear as a man who sincerely wishes to end the violence that has Mexico's citizenry on its knees. It is not the first time, but it is the latest.

This week's visit to Mexico by First lady Michelle Obama was a precursor. Perhaps Mexico requested the visit. It got positive press and the photos published in the American press showed the First Lady having a  grand time with smiling schoolchildren in Mexico City. Too bad Calderon has largely ceded his country's young to the illegal drug industry. Daily, here along the border, it is young Mexicans doing the fighting, being captured by the Mexican military and being killed, left on the dusty streets to rot, to be collected like dead dogs by weeping family members. 

No, too much awfulness is playing across Mexico for America to welcome President Calderon as if a worthy guest. He isn't. Not now. And not with rumors swirling that his administration has facilitated certain "advances" by some cartels at the expense of others. Perhaps President Obama should invite the common people of Mexico for a chit-chat. 

For that conversation, yes, the White House absolutely should be availed.

The image of Calderon and is wife dining with the Obamas, however, is grossly obscene...

 - 30 -

THE LAST, GREAT FLEAMARKET: Election Night Brings Out Something, Well, Familiar...

By PATRICK ALCATRAZ
Editor-In-Chief

BROWNSVILLE, TX - The portly man in the weathered boots and straw hat put it in these terms: "We voted, and that's all that's expected of us. It's too late to worry about it." Mingling about him was a small crowd of vote-watchers, all craning their necks every few minutes to see the numbers being posted on a screen. Some groaned; others exulted. It was another Tuesday Election Night in town.

The record will show that two contests stood above a few others: the race between former Brownsville City Commissioner Ernie Hernandez and lawyer Ruben Pena. In the tabulation, Hernandez had 2,159 votes to Pena's 2,110, the sort-of-close victory propelling the Democrat Hernandez toward a November general election against himself, or, perhaps,a write-in candidate. There is no Republican seeking the Cameron County Precinct 2 seat Hernandez may now claim.

In the second fray, County Commissioner John Wood walloped opponent Eddie Trevino, a former mayor of Brownsville, with Wood winning 4,958 to 4,536, according to late-night numbers. If either of the two races could be called an upset, then it was Wood's win over Trevino that would fit that characterization. He now gears-up to face incumbent County Judge Carlos Cascos, a Republican.

What should upset the county's populace is the low voter turn-out. The final count would indicate that a miniscule number of county residents thought the contests were of any import. Brownsville, the county seat, alone counts more than 100,000 residents. 

If there is a dialogue for this B-movie's script, it came best from candidate Trevino. He told reporter Emma Perez-Trevino of The Brownsville Herald: "I am disappointed because our supporters committed so much to me and my campaign. I’m sorry I let them down. We gave it our best shot, but in this business, there is only one winner and one loser."

No, the loser was every resident of star-crossed Cameron County. Staying home and not voting carries a heavy price. Say "Hell-o" one more time to Mssr. Hernandez...

- 30 -

On Yet Another Election Day, Politiqueras Again Gladly & Cruelly Fool Everyone...

By RON MEXICO
Staff Writer

BROWNSVILLE, TX - Today's run-off election looms as another of those cruel jokes locals forever endure, this one lapped on the community by a few dozen women who roust the vote in the name of Democracy while pocketing a little cash. Politiqueras, a busy-skirt army of physically-eccentric women said to deliver an oft-questioned vote, will likely decide today's contest between Ruben Pena and Ernie Hernandez in the battle for Cameron County Precinct 2 commissioner.

It is this town's day for "Going All-Mexico" - characterized here as a day when politics takes on a distinctly Mexican flavor. As described in newspapering and border lore, it will be one van moving up and down some the city's poorest streets after another, where politiqueras will entice the dispossessed to join them in a ride to weird Democracy. We pick you up and bring you back home, goes the line. From the harshest critics comes word that some of these voters even get a little cash for their troubles.

It is an accepted practice here, with women working the service as if on an Avon neighborhood run and pols full-knowing they need the politiqueras if they wish to win election. With voter participation lower during run-offs, hired vote-getters play a larger role in the decision.

For Cameron County, the resignation comes with noisy Mexican music, fajita burn-outs and the false impression that the community is voting. The ruse seems to be okay with most residents, the larger portion of them ignoring the contest. It would be easy to say the candidates are less-than-desirable. They are, yet the ballots will be availed and the votes will be counted. 

For the winner, it'll be a clear-cut victory no matter the numbers.

Once more, Cameron County will fool itself...

- 30 -

For Brownsville Blogger Juan Montoya, A Booming Symphony Of Biting Criticism...

By ELIOT ELCOMEDOR
Media Critic of The Tribune

BROWNSVILLE, TX - Since he ventured into the world of news Blogging, former newspaperman Juan Montoya has seemingly found nothing but heartache. Steadily over the past few months, he has been hacked like free meat for what critics say is a "posturing" not often seen from serious Journalists. Montoya, operator of http://www.elrrunrrun.blogspot.com/, has come out firing this political season in support of local political muffin Ernie Hernandez, a candidate whose record of public service is seen in some quarters as being, well, lacking.

In his reporting, Montoya has used his Blog to royally assail Hernandez's opponent, the lawyer Ruben Pena, in a manner that would make his readers believe Hernandez is head-over-heels better than Pena. He may or may not be that, but the postings seen on Montoya's Blog take the appearance of serious Journalism. It is not. Being overly-generous, we would call it "advocacy" Journalism, which is in some places respected, although it readily acknowledges taking sides. Montoya never admits he is vigorously supporting Hernandez because of his politics, leaving readers the clear impression that he is doing it solely for the advertising dollar he gets in exchange for the rushing stream of glowing, fawning write-ups.

The criticism lobbed at him is not kind.

Writes fellow city resident Bobby Wightman-Cervantes in his Blog, http://www.brownsvillevoice.blogspot.com/, "As to Montoya's pathetic response to the complaints he is a hired hand of Hernandez - I defy Montoya to post any specific findings (not accusations) against Peña. This is the standard he used as to why he is not publishing anything against Hernandez. As to Hernandez, I know what I know - he looked me in the face and said he would not hire politiqueras to work the mail ballots and then he did - he lied to my face."

Montoya, a former reporter for The Brownsville Herald and a few other obscure newspapers, presses onward like the prideful bandolon player in a less-than-stellar Mariachi, breathlessly filling space on his Blog with an occasional "neighborhood" piece, presumably to buttress his pro-Hernandez postings. It has apparently failed him.

Adds Wightman-Cervantes in a note critical of Montoya on another front, the case of a political candidate seeking a run while battling the remnants of a felony conviction abroad: "Montoya's journalism skills are seriously in doubt - he claims Rubio's mandamus remains pending before the Texas Supreme Court. Anyone with minimum skills can go to the Texas Supreme Court web page and see it was denied on April 1, 2010."

For Montoya, the criticism is biting.

Journalists live and die on their reputation. Montoya has fended-off charges that he has taken "shrimp plates" in exchange for writings on behalf of other would-be candidates by challenging his accusers to pony-up their evidence. Indeed, he seems to grow indignant with every demand for transparency. His replies near the angst-before-fury stage, approximating in tone the hollow words of one Richard M. Nixon during his days, when he wished all to do with Watergate would merely dissipate. 

Montoya should address the accusations one-by-one, admit his Journalism transgressions and move on with his work, some of which we admire...

 - 30 -   

SUNDAY SPECIAL: On A Lark, A Man Goes After A Brisket Sandwich...

By RICARDO KLEMENT
Food Writer of The Tribune

McALLEN, TX - On this gray, rainy Sunday morning, chances are you and yours will be feasting on the local culinary staple known as Barbacoa to the Mexicans and as cow head meat to everybody else, except the good people of India.

I'm not big on smoked meats that come from holes dug in the ground. For obvious reasons. My parentage includes people who roasted, toasted and gassed enough Jews during WW II to bring me the sort of shame, say, a Mexican-American dad might live with when he knows he's failed his old lady and kids. Life is funny that way, but there it is.

In any case, I'm nothing if not a food roustabout, one of those guys who will take that longshot drive to check out a joint someone has told someone stands above the mobbed taquerias and hamburger joints. Which reminds me, does anyone get this: I stopped in at a Whataburger and stood in line at the counter one day last week. I get up to the front of the line and look at the pudgy clerk before saying, "Hey, what's good here?" People in line behind me let out some sarcastic guffaws. What's that all about?

Well, I finally made it to Ramos BBQ in the City of Palms. This woman I met at a bar down by the river west of here had said it was, well, special. There, on N. 10th Street about a mile south of State Highway 107, which takes you to Edinburg, was the neat frame building with the Ramos BBQ signboard out front. At best the size of a small Silverstream at its core, Ramos BBQ offers a nice screened patio with large window fans hanging from the ceiling and a sprinkling of signs on the walls. The floor is cool, as in concrete cool, and the tables are new-looking and well-polished.

I asked for the brisket sandwich, with my usual overfilling of onions and pickles. The woman behind the counter posed this: "Beans?" I said no, no thanks, but gimme a pie of somekind. "No pies," she shot back. "Chips we have." No chips, I said. "Potato salad?" she asked next. No, I told her, hate that stuff.

"Name?" she posed.

"Ricardo..."

"Oh, that's my last boyfriend's name!" Genuine shriek, like one you'd get from a woman after walking out of prison. I made a face and walked back to sit down and await my sandwich. "Ricardo!" I heard after a few minutes. There, at the counter and behind a plastic window between the patron and the hefty woman taking orders, was my sandwich, in a bag, as I had requested it. "Enjoy," she said in a voice that told me she said it a thousand times a week.

I sat there and scarfed it down while watching cars and trucks and pickups and buses and mobile homes and tractors and dump trucks and bicycles and motorcycles roar up and down N. 10th Street. As a sandwich, the BBQ brisket special was no big deal. It wasn't bad, no. Perhaps, as with everything, I expected something fantastic. It's a BBQ joint, For Chrissakes! It's always tough leaving a BBQ joint, but...

"Goodbye," I said to the counter clerk who'd come out to clean an adjoining table.

"Come back, Ricardo," she said, staring at me.

I was sure her last boyfriend had likely heard her say that a jillion times...

 - 30 -