On Father's Day, A Hope That The Lump In Your Throat Is About Love, Not About Regret...

By EDUARDO PAZ-MARTINEZ
Editor of The Tribune

McALLEN, Texas - Somewhere out there, in expensive and humble homes from one end of the Rio Grande Valley to the other, is a dad extending his hand to receive a card or gift from his son or daughter. Let us hope that that father has no moment flashing across his brain of a time when he abused his kids, when he failed to provide, when he disrespected their mother in their presence, when he let the family down.

It's Father's Day across the nation.

This is the day to stare at the bottom of the family ledger and take a full accounting of a man's behavior toward his children. Pity the man whose actions have not been noble, whose words have hurt, whose role is a mess of infidelity, regret and personal pain. Today is the day all the chits come knocking on the soul's door for collection. This is the day a child's innocent eyes open wide to convey love. This is the day a son or daughter will offer his or her finest loving hug, his or her sugared words full of genuine pride. This is the day the wife, that sweetheart you chose to marry, takes a deep breadth and hopes that this day, this day, will bring out the best in her husband.

And that father, if he's been a father for any length of time, whether a day or decades, will inhale a world of oxygen and try his damndest to erase the little things he wishes he'd never done, the hard words he wishes he'd never aimed in the direction of his children, the failings he exhibited so openly to the woman who married him, him out of a billion men on the planet - him.

I wish my two daughters could be five years old again. They are seven years apart, one is married with a family, the other one interested in shining the entire sky in the biggest city in America. Both do their Old Man proud in their respective ways, in the heart-tugging things they say, the laughter we share when remembering a trip to Disneyworld, building a snowman in the front yard, travelling as a family. You can't bring back those ages. Children grow and they go...and the weeks turn to months and then to years and the next thing you know, well, too many memories will have faded.

I agonize when I see a parent being cruel to a child, the fathers especially. I have been known to approach a kid whose Dad has said no to candy at a convenience store and offered to buy it. It's not a smart thing to do, but my feelings for kids are singular - the children must be allowed to be children. It is the best age, and I am not the first to say that.

So, today, when you are honored as a father, think a bit about the family and ask yourself whether you have tried to be the best of fathers - not just today, or in the weeks leading up to Father's Day, but every day.

I miss my children more than I'll admit. They know it. I say it to them every chance I get, in writing and during telephone chats, most of those too short, but they're busy. I know they love me. They say it to me. I know they think of me often. I know they would like me to be with them more. I know that their mother tells them to stay in touch with me.

I know it, yes... 'cause I never did anything bad or said anything stupid to them or to their mother when they were children. I'm kinda proud of that. 

Happy Father's Day...

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[EDITOR'S NOTE:...This story was written and posted last Father's Day, 2010. I still feel the same way about my two daughters. I know all of you do, as well, about your own kids...]