At GOP's First Debate, It's An Evening Of Laughs And Backslappings...Used Tires As Contenders...

By EDUARDO PAZ-MARTINEZ
Editor of The Tribune

AUSTIN, Texas - Southern Black Herman Cain said he was a "deep dish" pizza-lover kind of guy. Former Minnesota Gov. Tim Pawlenty sided with Coke over Pepsi. Defeated U.S. Sen. Rick Santorum of Pennsylvania went with Jay Leno over Conan O'Brien.

That's as deep as Republican presidential wannabes got during the polirical season's first presidential candidates debate in New Hampshire. Broadcast across the nation last night by Cable News Network (CNN), it turned out to be nothing more than an evening with six guys in suits and a noisy, annoying woman arriving to declare her candidacy for the highest office in the land.

This morning, pundits are saying that noisy one - Michelle Bachman, a congresswoman from Minnesota, and former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney won the debate. It was not a debate by any stretch of the imagination. It was, however, the first such gathering, and all of us know the "get real" fireworks won't start until the field narrows itself down to two or three.

Americans know the drill. Primaries will come after the telling Iowa caucus, and then after the primaries in New Hampshire and South Carolina. Before long, some of these posers will lose favor and drop out. Newt Gingrich, he of the many wives and $500,000 jewelry revolving account at Tiffany's, will be the first to bid adieu. He arrived at the debate last night after his campaign manager and a host of senior aides deserted him last week. Bachman is going nowhere in national office, her claim to the Tea Party banner being contested by too many others even as she covers herself with it.

Cain, founder of the Godfather's Pizza chain, is out of sorts with the Republican base. Indeed, he seemed to be the only Black-American in the hall where last night's debate was held. He reminds us of Alan Keyes, another glib Black-American who tossed grenades at his Republican opponents, but got nowhere. Cain will be gone soon, as well. Ron Paul, the Libertarian-Republican, is simply too old and ornery. He wants to do away with the Internal Revenue Service and bring back the American troops in Iraq and Afghanistan "today." Not gonna happen, Ron.

Romney seems the safest of the lot, and perhaps that is why he leads in the early polls. "Any person on this stage would be a better president than President Obama," he told the crowd to no laughter. His biggest burden with the voters may be his religion. Romney is a Mormon. Santorum is unemployed after losing a re-election bid for his seat in the U.S. Senate. Why he thinks the country would elect such a recent political loser is the mystery. We suspect Santorum, an extremist of the Far Right, won't last the race.

It'll be interesting to follow the ascent of the GOP's favorite son, as it will be to see the fall of some of these unqualified pretenders. Part of our psyche rests in seeing these meaningless spectacles ahead of a presidential election. I found it hilarious that Paul looks like he's coming out of his economical suit every time he speaks. It, too, was funny to see Cain act as if he was being taken seriously.

But more amusing yet was Bachman's giddy announcement early in the show that she was running for president. The more she spoke, the more it looked like this woman, at best, was suited for the job of aide to Hillary Clinton...

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