Staff Writer
BROWNSVILLE, Texas - It could get dicey for me here. Not enough cats like me, that's for sure. Odd kinda town, queer almost, and you know what they say about the queer, not homosexuals, just the queer, the strange, the bizarre, the rare unknown. Brownsville is queer, queer as in a town in search of a good, mean drunk. Punches aimed at the sheetrocked walls, punches taken on the chin just because, just because. That kinda queer.
This quaint, little, dusty town is my new home, and will be as long as I write for The Tribune.
Who knows? My boss - Cameron County Bureau Chief Stoney Hernandez - said get acquainted with Brownsville for a few hours and then write something about it. First impressions, yeah. It didn't take long. A half-hour into a drive around town and I wanted to get the Hell outta Dodge, as they say in Kansas. Yeah, Cholos, where da Black wimmen at?
No, not anywhere where I could see them. No hoochie-coochie love shacks to my right, no metal-comb-in-your-hair barber shops to my left. Just a long line of taco joints, slouching, bearded, fly-accompanied Vatos in sleeve-less t-shirts mulling about, waiting on an order of - what? - eight/twenty tacos. Big bellied women with eyes like knotholes behind them, waiting on gallons of menudo and other slop. They look rough, like the Black wimmen of the South. Don't be talkin' smack to a heavyset Brownsville broad, is what Stoney had said ahead of my drive. Short, pudgy ones'll slap you upside the knees.
Two dudes in faded-black Charro hats sittin' on the concrete steps of a rooming house south of downtown, a claptrap neighborhood known as Southmost, as in it-don't-get-no-closer-than-this to Mexico. They look Gay. Busy at something queery with their hands.
How do I know?
Some famous novelist said homosexuals have little talent for invention, but they have a wonderful gift for delightful embroidery. Something like that. I forget. Not many Gay Black guys in my hometown of Galveston.
I pull over out front and get out of my ride. One of the dudes rises, squints and focuses hard on me as I walk up the cracked sidewalk toward them. "You lookin' for Malena?" he asks tersely. "She be gone, dude. Not here, you know?"
I shake my head. Don't know any Malena. Not yet.
"Just wondering what you cats are doing," I say in a friendly non-Black Menace voice. "New reporter in town. Touring the community."
"Oh, okay," the heavyset dude says next, lowering his butt to the concrete steps.
"So, what are you workin' on there?"
The skinny, high-necked one looks up from his colorful handiwork and says, "Knitting socks for a baby shower. - you gotta problem with that?"
I did, but I could wait on my first Brownsville fistfight. Instead, I said, "Uh, no," and threw out an adios. They were back on the job like focused worker ants as I pulled away...
- 30 -
[EDITOR'S NOTE:...Writer Juan Jones joined our reporting staff this past weekend. He is a native of Galveston, but has been on staff with The Rocky Mountain News, The Deseret News, The Las Vegas Sun and The Brazosport News. This is his first story for The Tribune...]
15 comments:
Send him back where he came from!!
(you gotta problem with that?")
The boy is looking in the wrong barrio. Tell him to come down to Las Prietas and ask some males if they're knitting. If he's lucky hell escape with his life. And something to write about.
ralphy
Ralphy:...As Juan Jones would say to you, "Hey, Blood, what it is?!"... - Editor
(would say to you, "Hey, Blood, what it is?!"... - Editor)
Oh me? Hell, I'd invite him to some shots of tequila. About all of the barrio that's in me.
ralphy
Yo What's up my Brotha !!!
Pinche Mayate... back to your Chitlling , your greens, your greasy fried chicken , your humongous watermelons and dirty stinky Negro Getthos.!!!
Juan Jones, you better becareful, some of the brownsville neighborhoods don't take kindly to outsiders asking questions. Las Prietas, is not a friendly neihborhood, brothe!!!
Anon:...There is not one Las Prietas Vato who can hang with Juan Jones. You kiddin' me, lad?! Juan has known the wards in Houston, where a sloughing Pendejo would last, well, maybe two minutes. Your threats are as empty as the IDEA BOX at City Hall. Post that on another Blog. You're in the wrong neighborhood... - Editor
(You kiddin' me, lad?! Juan has known the wards in Houston,)
The toughest "mothers" anywhere can come down to las Prietas and they had better be expecting to get their butts royally kicked. And that is "nicely" put. Now, you tell your Juan to comon down. Please send el viejito Stoney with his didigal camera, cause you will want to see pics of the castastrophe.
ralph
RALPH:...Ha ha ha. Juan Jones is 6'7" tall and would tower over any Las Prietas vato! He tells me he won't fight your boys out of respect for all portly, mustachioed dwarfs... - Editor
(Ha ha ha. Juan Jones is 6'7" tall and would tower over any Las Prietas vato!)
Comon Alcatraz, you're hispanic. Do you really think that Juan will only have to worry about being one on one? Now that is funny! Send him on down, he may run into me. Then the only thing he'll have to worry about is kicking Jose Cuervo's butt.
ralphy
RALPHY:...There are Hispanics & then there are Brownsville Hispanics. The gulf is wide, lad. We're asking Juan Jones to cruise Las Prietas and write a "mood piece" for The Tribune. Look for it soon"... - Editor
(for The Tribune. Look for it soon"... - Editor)
I'm there, dude, I mean "lad".
ralphy
Every day in Brownsville is a "queer day." To twist a paraphrase: not funny queer, but funny ha-ha. It's the dance. Part of the culture. H. S. Thompson was a spectacular writer. Generation of Swine, volume two of the Gonzo Papers, is a shining bit of brilliance that should in no way be associated with the dismal traditions of the outdated "border" culture. Has there ever been, since the early 19th century, any "good" news from Mexico? Be objective now. Nope, is the correct answer. Not a bit. Ever. Brownsville is Mexicoland, a sort of low rent fantasy version of what Mexico could have been if the U.S. had made the terms of its decisive conquest a bit more stringent (a failure that has led to the bastard children of brutal Spanish Conquistadors believing they are something special). My advice, after a number of years dealing with the vicious unfriendly Hispanic of Brownsville? Locate an enclave of the dreaded gringos and join them for drinks and conversation on a regular basis. The natives are hostile, and should generally be avoided.
Yeah dudes , Their border / Tex - Mex. subculture is so feral, Ignorants, Uneducated, Horny Girls, lacking self- steem and hane an Identity Crisis , and the worst of their faults ; They have a TREMENDOUS INFERIORITY COMPLEX !!
> Hay los Guacho, gabachos gachos con sus guarachos...
The West Side of Brownsville / Pace H.S. is the New Gettho Gangs Place :
" LAS PRIETAS "
" LA LOMITA "
" LOS WEST - SIDE LOCOS "
" LA GALAXIA "
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