The Suffering Blogger Who Loved Us...He Needs Us Badly, What With His Failing, Racist Blog Now On Fumes...Get Offa Me, Slimeball!...

By PATRICK ALCATRAZ
Editor

HARLINGEN, Texas - This is the part of the story where the town nerd sidles up next to us in his own shy way, looking for acceptance, for credibility, for any scrap of something or another he can use to say he's a member of the band. If only.

We have left him wallow in his nothingness for weeks and weeks, but Tony Chapa, shown in photo at right, can't resist mentioning this blog at every turn, as if it brings him some positive shine or some sense of being good at something. He can't write, he can't spell, he can't stay up with us, or with any other area blog. If looked at in that way, all would say he is the poster child for Vato jealousy. But, then, we've also heard he pees sitting down, so what's a little I-Wanna-Be-Great for a man who can't be what he just freakin' can't be?

He claims we make up comments, and then he sees our commenters set him straight.

He claims we're not in town, when he full well knows we've never been there. We are where we want to be; he, in turn, must be imprisoned to that decaying house on Hickory street he calls home, there with his cats and the children he babysits while his poor wife heads for work. This is our competition? Hah!

He agonizes over the fact that I use a pseudonym, as if his agony could ever spur me to do what he'd want me to do. The physically-eccentric Chapa is delusional, clearly suffering from a world class case of Penis Envy, which is made even wilder by the fact that he allows a blogger on his site who has written about having Tony and his wife naked in the backseat of his car. Outrageous, but perhaps Chapa knows he cannot stand up to that other moron. Readers know that Chapa has been called out in public and has responded by putting his little hands in his little pockets and lowering his little head to the floor. Some competition. He's more like a guy applying to be my valet.

But he persists. He simply cannot stand to see The Tribune doing better than his press-release addicted blog. Boredom, anyone? Any Journalist will tell you that newspapers get hundreds of press releases a day. They get a looksee, yes, but the larger percentage of them get tossed into File 13 - the trash can. Still, Chapa breathlessly posts every press release he solicits, calls it a story and acts as if he wrote it. Who knows where this Homo Sapien was educated, but we suspect it wasn't in this country. Indeed, many have questioned whether he is a U.S. citizen, yet Chapa never responds, so we're left to conclude that, well, he isn't.

We thought about ignoring him, as have a tremendous number of people who used to visit his website. Now, everybody goes there to see if Chapa has libeled them. No other damned reason. His best days are gone and it sure would be cool to see Chapa install a counter on the front page of his MyHarlingenNews.com., cause we just know that if he gets 10 readers, well, that's probably about nine too many. He won't do it. It'll out him even more. Those other hundred "hits" he claims? It's him, logging-on over and over and over and over. His life is that of a bug in a jar, climbing walls and wondering about what else may be out there. Loser, yes. Big Time loser.

And we have asked ourselves: Is this guy sane? We wonder. His childish ways and constant rages against anyone who tells him he sucks is a clear indication that perhaps he may need help. Is he kicking the house cat? Abusing his hard-working wife? Someone should check. This could be a man in serious need of attention.

We laugh when we see him called a dwarf. But he's a short man, with stumpy hands and little pants some have said he buys in the children's department of Sears. Who knows? Maybe Jake can post a comment about what Tony looks like in the nude. Not that we care to see that, but it could explain his all-too-common efforts to get close to this blog. Needy people have great needs science has yet to account for, like a desire to be accepted when you know you're not good enough. That's Chapa right there - a mini-brain acting tough.

It's Sunday, and we have better things to do. We'll leave things there, mainly because we know our efforts to rid ourselves of this slimeball is never-ending. Pobre Tony, it is said in his barrio neighborhood, dejaron al chaparro sin cojones.

He'll keep throwing his little punches, fully thinking it is getting him somewhere.

The trouble is most readers know him as boring, as a whiner, a hater, a racist and a clown. For some damned reason, he also believes we need to be in his life. That's a pisser for us. We'd rather the bouncer keep this little ball of smegma off our backs. We're used to better company...

- 30 -