In Brownsville, The Three Tacos Blog On...Tickled To Be Described as The Cyndi Lauper Cartel...

By RON MEXICO, Jr.
Staff Writer

BROWNSVILLE, Texas - Without freakin' question, they are the Last Three Bloggers of Note. Here, in the City at The End of The Rio Grande, they are being called the Cyndi Lauper Cartel: word-pushers of varying degrees, one pumping out reflective literature, one ceaselessly angry at the vet-care system and one indefatigably defending the Mexican Way.

But things aren't what they used to be around here. The Blog has suddenly been devalued in town, perhaps in keeping with the strong Mexican culture just a stone's throw to the south, in Old Mexico. Still, The Brownsville Literary Review, new to the Internet Bullshit scene, does its best to stir the waters of the menudo pot, its burner on the aging Kenmore stove set on non-offending low, however. And there's Brownsville Voice, the so-called King of Inanities, operated by a Blogger who claims carpal tunnel problems yet has published more than 1,000 stories in the last three years. Want some milquetoast writing? Check this out from a recent Brownsville Voice posting: "But to be clear I am so, so happy in this house. My dogs are so happy to have a big yard again. Boy do I love my dishwasher." 

The third taco in the verbiage trio is something calling itself El Rrun Rrun, a website breathlessly devoted to All-Things-Mexican. On El Rrun Rrun, one finds the ultimate in Maquiladora Journalism - this tidbit about the border bandit Juan Cortina, always laudatory; that morsel about the passing of a Chicanoe accordionist; some chunk of free government cheese about yet another obscure local. Yeah, bland nacho. Needs garlic.

Not one of the three is doing anything spectacular. The Literary Review, its lineage coming from the once-feared, but now-defunct El Rocinante, hasn't hit its stride. At best, it is a model for that stuff pushed by the AARP - sleepy stories of love, hate & regret. Not that it's a bad thing, for over at Brownsville Voice, the boring rains over the local geography. At last check, Brownsville Voice trails its two amigos in the "hits" category; that is, visitors to the site. Often a source of minutiae interesting only to its operator and his family, it has threatened to bring an end to its offering, yet it doesn't do it - to the everlasting dismay of the general population here, said to be some 140,000 cigar and cerveza aficionados.

Across town, somewhere south, we imagine, the grown man who operates El Rrun RRun is stuck on glorifying border bandits, obscure Mexican accordionists and miniscule, meaningless secrets of the 14th Street cantina scene. It is a work of wonder, its contributions akin to the writings of Helen Keller.

"These guys don't threaten anybody in town anymore," said a chubby woman rolling a grocery store shopping cart to her battered car. "Now those blogs in Harlingen. Hijole...those boys are shaking the tree, stirring shit up, lobbing it at the mayor and the commissioners and the chief of police and everybody & their mother. Brownsville blogs have gone for the siesta. Que lastima."

And so, the rolling, broiling saga that once included threats of lawsuits, porno, profanity and enough whinings to keep every military veteran in this country happy forever...has ended. The black & white film has rolled off the sprockets of the projector, the curtain covered the silverscreen and the ushers ambled in to clean the aisles of spilt soda, left-over popcorn and uneaten Milk Duds.

Roll the credits...

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[EDITOR'S NOTE:...The operators of these Blogs are Dr. G.F. McHale-Scully of the BrownsvilleLiteraryReview.blogspot.com, Bobby Wightman-Cervantes of BrownsvilleVoice.blogspot.com and Juan Montoya of ElRrunRRun.blogspot.com. We do not know what RrunRrun means, but we're told it is a street term used in Mexican corridos to denote the use of accordions in songs, or that it could be slang for what happens when you eat bad enchiladas...yeah, WTF knows...]