Staff Writer
HOUSTON, Texas - Man, and I was just getting comfortable. It's a dog's life, Bro. But, it is as they say, so long as there are criminals and corrupt politicians and good booze and white women, well, Journalism has to hustle-on.
I got the call. "Tell'em The Tribune will be back online on Monday," wrote that irascible dude, Patrick Alcatraz, the editor of this mess. "And get down to Brownsville ASAP. There's trouble down there. Work a piece and file the story by dawn."
And then he told me to call everybody, as if I have the damned minutes on my cellphone.
Ron Mexico, Jr. in New York and awaiting his flight to Amsterdam, said, "You stroking me, or what!"
Eliot Elcomedor, packed and ready to board a speedboat to Havana out of Miami, sent his immediate regrets, saying he'd be in the Rio Grande Valley of Texas later in the week, after a few rounds with a woman he used to know in Cuba. Stoney Hernandez got the part in the Mexican novela (playing a Mexican drug pusher), so he's out. Spike Torres is gone, as well, off to write his screenplay in Colorado. The Gay Blade, Rey Buckingham, also begged-off, saying he's met a guy from Barbados and thinks it's true love. Angelo Margarita may or may not come back. He said he hates the long, boring fuckin' drive down to South Texas. That stiff Kraut Ricardo Klement, the most lifeless dude I've ever met, said he was driving to some Supremacist gig in Utha, but promised to be back my mid-week. Klement looks like the back of a postage stamp, man. Pale fucka, yes.
"I just didn't get the whole Valley thing, Man," Buckingham said. "Those stubby, greasy men there never moved me. But do say hell-o to County Judge Carlos Cascos. The guy is interesting, but, sadly, too short for me. Tell Pat to call me in a few weeks. I could always write from here. Ha ha ha ha."
Is that everybody?
Man, I'm, as they say, with a honeybuns and, yeah, I be busy.
So, The Tribune returns bright & early tomorrow. What's that?
Be right there, Baby...
- 30 -
[Editor's Note:...Former Tribune Sports Editor Doyle May was unavailable for comment. A woman answering the phone at his home said he was in Bristol, Conn., meeting with executives of ESPN about a job as a field reporter for NFL games. He will not return to The Tribune...]
15 comments:
Huzzah, the prodigal son(s) returns. So glad you weren't gone long enough to end up dining with the rest of the pigs in the pen. Is this the part where we slaughter the fatted calf and feast or do we bide our time waiting to see what snarky comments the perfect brother makes? So glad you came back to keep us up-to-date on the Eden that is the RGV (even if it does lean toward an over-population of snakes). A happy M
Patrick, didn't Ron Mexico learned anything from his fathers deeds?? Amsterdam if full of drug atticts and prostitutes, drugs are legal.
Buy a whip, put Juan Jones, Klements, Ron Mexico and Eliot to work and treat them like common labor, this characters have it made. They write an article here and there and their talents are going to waste. If you need a whip, I will send you one. I bought it in Progresso for my horses sometime back. Believe me one whack, it will get your staff back in shape.
You have to be more forceful if the staff is going to respond.
And let them know the honeymoon is over.
And Thank you for Coming back.
ANON (1.):....Dining at the pug trough will have to wait a tad longer. Eden endures and the snakes shall slither along, as they have always done, the Good Side of Life be damned. ANON (2.)...The whip cannot be cracked on the messengers when the message is about even worse individuals. Ron Mexico, Jr. merely wanted to go avenge his father in Amsterdam. And if we treat the rest like Common Labor, then Common Labor will no longer be Common Labor... - Editor
Your new sport writer, looks like Mr. Juan Montoya. Have both of you guys made up, now that el roci is gone. It feels kind of kind of creepy down here in the Valley.
Hey, the lovely couple on the side bar, isn't that the Cortez familY, Ruben and Sandra??
Are you sure they are modeling Mervins clothing, looks more like Target attire.
ANON:...We have no enemies in the lovely Rio Grande Valley of Texas, but we do have a sprinkling of people we do not like, for good reason. ANON (2.):...It could be Traget clothing. In any case, it's a clear lack of pride or class, or both... - Editor
If Juan Jones is the guy laying with the white woman on the picture, if he worked for the previous Anon writer, the only hand on his back would be, a horse whip.
I bet Mr. Jones would be all work and no play, being sarcastic of course.
You are to nice with your staff.
Brother Jones:...Juan Jones, we hear, is mighty, mighty nice to his women. In fact, we get many calls from women who ask about him all the time, from everywhere he's ever been. We're sure some deprived Brownsville lassies used to five-inch men will soon be treated to his, ahem, endowment... - Editor
Brother Jones are you related to Juan Jones??? Looks to me like you are like him, trying to see what you can get, from helpless, lost dampsels in distressed.
What kind of sick joke this is ?...
I fall for all this Moving out of the Rancho Grande Valley, well it's your lost, I am happily living Free and really enjoying life down here in Aguascalientes in central Mexico, " El Bajio "; THE BREAD AND BUTTER OF ALL CIVILIZED MEXICO !!
Chano Maracas:...Aguascalientes? Where is it located in Mexico? Sounds like a lovely place. Surely it has great morning coffee and evening ladies, eh?... - Editor
Mr. Alcatraz.. Auascalientes is Centrally located, rigth in the middle of the Republica de Mexico [GOOGLE : For Information - and Google Maps ; for location, This is Paradise - Unexpensible Lifestyle, Arts and real culture , excellent coffee shops - a la Europa, top - class restaurants,... Etc-- and oh Brother ! so many pretty women ]
Channo Marakkas, if you want to see good looking women, go to Monterrey, I know it is a little hot. But them they have some good looking girls.
Mexico is full of riches, it is Rwanda, ooops I meant Reynosa and Matamoros that is all screw up.
You are 100% Right, That's why our Border People many, if Not most of the time, have a negative image from Northern Mexico [Only Negative / News from Mexico on Amedrican Tv. News Channels ]and feel so Resentful against their uneducated parents, for bringing Them [ or as " HARBOR BABIES " born here in The U.S.A ]...I envite everybody to Google in To the many Nice and cultured Places from across Mesoamerican Mexico... Not just the Tourists - attracted Beach Towns - They have so much to offer. In Aguascalientes City and State, We have The world - famous
" SAN MARCOS FAIR " where 7 Million people visit and it last for almost a Month !!!
Chano:...There is no question that Mexico has some of the prettiest women on the planet, especially in Michoacan. Since you ask, well, Valley women are okay, but they rarely know how to work their female wiles. They give in too easily, have five or six ESQUINKLES and then they live a life of weekend beatings, abandonment and regret... - Editor
Post a Comment