AMERIQUE:


A NOTE FROM THE EDITOR: It is the unspoken statistic, but it is as real as anything to do with the lingering U.S. war efforts in Iraq and Afghanistan. According to the military, 1,800 American servicemen have killed themselves since the initial invasion of Baghdad. That is in addition to the more than 4,000 who died in battle. This week, families of the soldiers who committed suicide asked President Barack Obama to change the government policy of not forwarding letters of appreciation to mothers and fathers of these servicemen. By week's end, the White House had reversed the policy and agreed that such letters are needed, as well... - Eduardo Paz-Martinez, Editor of The Tribune

Saturday, September 4, 2010

On A Video-Conference From Panama, Former Tribune Editor Patrick Alcatraz Explains Himself...

By JUNIOR BONNER
Staff Writer

McALLEN, Texas - The shifty Patrick Alcatraz was not talking. He'd scheduled the video-conference with The Tribune's Newsroom staff to dispel rumors that he had abused his position as editor when he'd entered into a relationship with former Tribune religion writer Rannah O'Donnell. And he'd confirmed the relationship, but asked that details of the sexual affair not be published.

"I'm thinking about Rannah, boys," he said more than once during the half-hour conference call. "She's likely been through enough bullshit with the rumor mill at The Tribune to last her a lifetime. Let's remember those days as good days, days when we worked exemplary journalism for our many readers."

Alcatraz, in Panama to marry Tribune writer Ron Mexico's widow Elaine Benitez this weekend, declined to acknowledge an allegation made by O'Donnell that he treated her as "sloppy seconds," mainly, said Rannah, because he also was seeing Ms. Benitez at the time. According to Rannah, she and Alcatraz stayed overnight at a South Padre Island highrise on more than five occasions, on outings where he is said to have promised Rannah more than just an occasional romp in the sack. As she put it in a heartfelt, three-page letter of resignation to The Tribune, "Patrick led me to believe that I was the only woman in his life, that he loved me, and that he would always love me. He said he just loved my lips, my sexy sloping back - his words - and my personality. I believed him, perhaps because it's hard not to believe what Patrick says to you. He's charming and witty and a most interesting man."

At being read that sentence, Patrick Alcatraz coughed uncontrollably for several seconds before saying, "Those who know me know I never say such silliness to my women."

"Not even to Elaine?" he was asked tersely by Tribune reporter Eliot Elcomedor.

"Not saying that," Patrick shot back, adding that he would have to cut the chat short to open the door for the hotel's Room Service personnel.

Eliot: "What are you saying?"

"I'm sorry about the Rannah adventure, that's what I am addressing here - not Elaine," Patrick said next. "I want to apologize for actions during that brief relationship; that's all. And I hope everyone understands."

Told that Rannah O'Donnell had resigned her position at The Tribune, Patrick said: "That's too damned bad. Rannah is a singular talent. The Valley never got to see her depth of reporting. I was always impressed by her work, her work ethic and her complete faith in humanity."

At which point, an angry Eliot slammed a fist on the conference table and said, no screamed: "You shittin, Patrick! You note her complete faith in humanity after you soiled that kid? Goddamn you, man! Goddamn you!"

"Eliot, Eliot, Eliot. Rannah is 27 years old," Patrick fired back. "She's not a kid. She's an adult who knew what she was getting into. There was no rape. There was romance and sex, yes. But Rannah went willingly. And why am I having to fuckin' explain and justify myself to your ass, Eliot? You? Not you, Eliot? Shall we go over the crop of women you've had and bedded and lied to? You've had more broads than Warren Beatty, Eliot!"

At that point, Eliot Elcomedor kicked himself away from the table and stormed out of the room. "See ya, Eliot," Patrick was heard to say on the large video screen on The Tribune conference room wall. Patrick went on a bit longer, said he and Rannah had seen each other for a week and that Rannah had known about Elaine Benitez all along.

"I just want to give my all with Elaine," he said near the end. "That's it right there..."

- 30 -

8 comments:

Rolando said...

The boy looks like he's been partaking of some of the local herbs.

Brother Jonesy said...

Patrick you miserable two timing shyster, you have soiled Rhanna, for outright lust, nothing more, nothing less, now you are pointing fingers at Eliot, after you terminated him for simply doing his job as a writer.
You can't hide you sleazy skin in Panama for Eva.
You will get yours sooner or later.

Brother jonesy said...

Juan Jones, ofcourse they give Viagra to Vets, senior citizens also get Viagra from Medicare. Look Brother Jonesy, is always looking for a deal, besides the women that I date, don't care about what and what not. No, it does not make any difference, whether it is generic or not, it works and my women know it works.
Rhanna, you can always contact me, here at this web-site. I will be there to confort you.
YOU can trust me, uuugghhh, to an extent of course. Lets hope that special moment doesn't happen.

Patrick Alcatraz said...

ROLANDO:...Patrick Alcatraz needs no help from Botany. He was simply born lucky. BROTHER JONESY:...Eliot violated a company policy; that is why he left The Tribune. He's re-joined the staff, however, and we are glad to report that he's itchin' to work serious Journalism, so watch out, sonny. As for what Patrick said about Eliot, well, even Eliot would not quarrel with anyone noting his many, many romantic conquests... - Editor

Sarita said...

Mr. Editor: Brother Jonesy, or brother looney, looks like Junior Bonner, but wears no hat, because he is too cheap.
The lady that cleans the travel trailer told me, he wanted to pay her with coupons, worth $1.00, drinks nothing but Thunderbird wine, 89cents a bottle, after today, you won't hear from him anymore.

Patrick Alcatraz said...

Sarita:...Brother Jonesy sounds like a hip cat. Can he write? We're looking for a reporter to cover the Valley's trailer parks as soon as the Winter Texans hit town... - Editor

Sarita said...

Brother Jonesy is trailer park trash, I hate to be so blunt, but it is true.
I don't think he has a junior high school education. He claims he has a bad back and gets disable benefits. He is a cheat, the women who walk out of the 10x20, look like rolly pollies, short, fat and ugly.
His trash can is full of Natural beer, 99 cent special and green bottles of Thunderbird wine. He is a looooserrrrr!!!!!!!!

Rolando V. Gomaz said...

So Jonesy does not even have a jr. high education? And he has a taste for the Natural light beer? Wonder what his sincere thoughts are on the generic viagra, though. I mean the kind you have to go to Mexico for. What with the Marines and Navy obviously at war with the cartels and a what not. Jonesy, comon. This could surely make you or brake you, my man. Inform us.