An Age-Old Problem Baffles Valley: What To Do With Excess Hair...It Troubles The City Water Systems...

By KERMIT PEREZ
Interim Editor of The Tribune

McALLEN, Texas - A disturbing trend is spreading like free sex across the Rio Grande Valley. Troublesome, disgusting clumps of hair have begun to cause growing alarm within the ranks of water treatment plant employees and administrators. To date, no solution has been found, and, now, some communities are pondering the idea of floating neighborhood flyers asking residents to not let their falling hair get into the shower drains.

It is a problem to be found in every household from Rio Grande City to the west to Brownsville on the eastern fringe of the region. Not that it is a novel headache in a part of the country where women still wear the Big Hair look, but the population is growing and there is only so much a drainage system can handle, say authorities who have mysteriously kept a lid on the growing mess.

"Sometimes, I lose about a half-pound of hair when I shampoo my hair," said Elodia Jimenez of Weslaco. "And then my kids go in there and then my husband and, well, it's a lotta hair. Women who dye their hair also lose more than those who don't, so..."

What exactly officials can do about this is anybody's guess.

"We can only hope to educate the masses before it's too late," said an uncouth overseer. "But how do you regulate hair-loss, man? We can't say don't shampoo, or don't bathe. But what is known is that we need to do something about it. We need to create a campaign aimed at telling our people that hair down the drain is not a good thing, that it plugs the pipes and that there is only so much Liquid Plumber in town."

Women are said to be the main cuplrits, as the usual hair style for Valley men is a military-style haircut.

"Reputable hair salons generally sweep the cut hair and deposit it in trash cans, but we've caught a few of the fleamarket-types trying to flush what look like Beatle wigs down the toilet," said another official who requested anonymity for fear of industry reprisals. "That's not good, either. A pound of hair is as bad as a pound of cement. Our pipes cannot handle a pound of hair from every household."

It is a silent pipe killer, to be sure.

"No one wants to talk about it," said a Harlingen barber. "We'd rather talk about drugs and adultery and crime and everything under the sun except our hair problem. I just don't get it..."

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